.disdained.

You said your wife was waiting on you hand and foot, and expressed your disdain that it seemingly meant nothing to me. I couldn't find the words to tell you it does mean something. It means a whole lot of something. She gets to care for the man I care deeply for while I must hide in the shadows and pretend I don't exist. It means a lot.

.hurt.

As I lay with you there is nothing in the world that can bring me down.  As I touch your face, your skin so smooth, your delicious lips at my fingertips, those eyes.. those eyes.
They pierce my soul. They are the bullet fired at close range, ripping through me as it enters, destroying everything in it's path before it exits leaving me in a state of disrepair. You've destroyed my resale value. Not that no one else would want me, but that no one else can drive me the way you do. You're the only one that I want. Have I been on your mind too? You hang on my every word. You have the ability to leave me breathless, feeling like I've been given a highway with no one on it.  When will I see you again? I never know when or even if I will get to touch you once more. I quietly accept my position as the sweet makes the bitter very worth while.

But please lover, be careful with your words, for they too pierce far deeper than you may ever know. A single word can scorch like a branding iron with the proper delivery. You have displayed a great many skills. As talented you are at being a lover, you are equally skillful at the art of destruction. You've displayed adequately your ability to turn into a weapon when you are displeased and oft do not consider the entire picture; you do not always patient for clarity. I only ever want to please you, so please..don't ever want to hurt me.

My tolerance for pain ends at the physical kind. I willingly give you my everything. It means a great deal to me, so please take special care of it. And if you should find it doesn't meet your standards, return it in the state you first found it. Don't destroy it. Please.

Photo credit: @YetUntamed

                                                                       Please.

.lingering.

How do you verbalize to someone that you're terrified to make a mistake? The misunderstanding was cleared up. The conversation allowed that person to understand that what they thought was someone being deliberately inconsiderate was very unintentional. The person was allowed to say sorry for their thoughtlessness and was forgiven. But prior to the chance for a defense, a punishment by retaliation in the form of hurtful words was delivered harsh and left a lingering sting still felt now. When the air was cleared for the one party's side, the other party was still hurt not only by not having been given the benefit of the doubt that they feel has been earned; but by the very painful blow delivered.

 So, while this person treated guilty until proven innocent is no longer viewed as the criminal, the punisher still doesn't understand that they caused pain too.
If you punch someone because you thought they deserved it, then found out they didn't, would you not say sorry for the hit?There may still be a black eye and possible scars.
The hurt party remains hurt while the other party now feels better.
Tears are still flowing from this entire scenario.

But how do you verbalize that now the other party has said they feel better and moved on?

.the one.

He glides into my reality the way he glides into my dreams. My fantasies and my realities are one with him. Never before have I felt this bond, this complete trust. My desire to submit isn't in the submission itself, but in the trust that the person I give control to is worthy. For me to overlook everything else and accept him as is, this is how I know it's love. Love because I trust, love because I can be myself completely, without condition or constraint. Love because I do not need a filter. I need him. I don't love him because I need him, I need him because I love him. For the first time I feel a love that isn't possessive in return. I have no thoughts of placing conditions and the only restraints in this are the kinds placed on my limbs. The funny part is that restraints are not required, I would never fight him. Why would I try to stop something I want to happen?

Now I've found what I have been craving, nothing else will satisfy. I've no need to search, the thought that there could be another doesn't even exist in my mind. I am eternally at his disposal.

He controls me completely. But we both know I'm the one who holds the actual power.

.stop me.

I don't want to be allowed to make a sound without your permission.

.trigger.

Just as a song can trigger an emotion or a smell can trigger memories of home.. the thought of you triggers many things for me: When I close my eyes and remember your finger stroking my g spot until a flood of fluid gushes out, I can feel that spot tingle and I get wet. Your memory triggers a physical reaction.

.I love the way you.

You walk in the door and tell me I look beautiful
You wrap your big strong arms around me and passionately kiss me before you grab my throat and a fistful of my hair.
You order me to my knees against the wall so I can't back away while you test my gag reflex.
You tell me I'm a good girl when your cock slides down the back of my throat and I don't try to stop it.
You lift me up and direct me where you want, my hair as your reins.
You slap my ass to see how hard I can take it, then you reward me by making me squirt.
You fold me in half and fuck me so hard the neighbors must feel each thrust.
This game of pleasure for pain, pain as pleasure, reward for mettle .. this game is the only one I choose to play.
I love the way you do that.

.the truth.

There comes a time in every person's life where they have to give up their foolish fantasies and accept reality. As difficult as it is, we cannot persevere while living in a dream. Life will catch up to you. It always does, in the end. 

I may have fantasized about mad, exhilarating, throw me against the wall, peel me off the sheets, and mop me off the floor passion. Well that was nothing more than a fantasy. A silly girl dreaming of something unrealistic. 

Except.. it happened.

It came true. 

Lover, you are not my fantasy. You are my reality.

.smile..I've got an agenda.

My goal is to make you hard, lose your composure, occupy your thoughts, steal your attention, fulfill your widest desires, wear your bruises and rope burns, swallow your pride (that is what we're calling it now) and leave you completely ruined and incapable of imagining you could ever have it this fucking good.

How am I doing so far?

.as is.

I don't care for a conventional relationship. I don't want the burdens of having to check in, explain myself, argue over money and lose interest in sex... and the truth is, I don't want to see you everyday. Not because I don't like seeing you, but because the time apart not only gives us the space we need to be individuals, but the chance to miss each other. When I say that sometimes I think it would be cool to have more of you I mean longer fuck sessions, no other commitments and a chance to not have to hide everything.. we have a blast together, the friendship outside the sex is awesome too. It would be cool to just hang out. It would be fun to go out and do shit together. Let's face it, every human wants the chance to publicly bask in the jealousy of all those who don't have what we have... and we get on great. I like being your dirty little secret. I wonder what it would be like if I was just your dirty little, without the secret.

Rene Magritte "The Lovers"

Don't for one minute let this thought fool you into thinking I'm asking for more. While I might say it would be cool if your situation were different I am fully aware that this whole thing came about in large part because of your situation and probably... definitely... wouldn't be what it is without it. Just because I say it would be cool to have more doesn't mean I actually want it. It's just a thought.

What we have is perfect, any changes, even the slightest, are all risks to that. I don't wish we were different. I just think about it from time to time, what fun it would be to be your arm candy instead of your dirty secret. 

Mark my words: I love being your dirty secret! I'm happy just the way we are.

If you think of me often, I have achieved my goal.

.look.

I'm going to keep my eyes on you the entire time I do this.

photo credit @YetUntamed

While I'm on my knees with your cock in my throat, I am going to look up at you.
While I am tied to the four corners of my bed, I'm going to look up at you.
While you use my hair as your handle, I'm going to look up at you.
When you bend me over and pound my ass, I'm going to look back at you.
With every bit of pleasure and pain, with every breath that escapes the throat grasps,
with every orgasm you put me through, I'm going to look into your eyes.

.tease me.

The feeling of anticipation

The waiting

The desire

Your cock touching my lips.

Not inside yet..don't go in yet!

... just keep it there ...

I love the tease.

Damn I want you so bad.

The longer you wait to slide inside

the more intense the pleasure when I feel that first penetration.

.quel surprise.

Getty

Tu me manques et je te veux.

.freedom.

On hands and knees I crawl to you, begging you to set me free by making me your captive.

A switch explained

My D asked a great question. Did I only dom because I hadn't met anyone until he who could properly dominate me. I had to think about that. It's true, I had yet to meet anyone who could pull it off. I've been disappointed with past experiences, but not with subs.. with people who claim to be the dom I desire and fall short. I fully enjoy making someone submit to me, torturing them with pleasure, pleasuring them with pain... having someone helpless and willing to do my bidding.. Often I found myself having to be the top cause my partner was just pathetic and didn't know what to do with me once they got me.

Photo credit: @YetUntamed

I have had fantasies about being on the other side for a long time. It started with curiosity. Seeing how elated the sub was had me wondering what it felt like. It took me a very long time to find someone capable of handling me, someone who gets it. I've no desire to submit to anyone else. That is how I know I'm a switch and not only a sub.  The desire to dominate has no face with me.. it's just natural that I will tell you what to do and you'd better fucking do it. But my submissive side has a face. It's @Just_Dark. I only desire being under his control, no one else's. I don't fantasize about being tied up, I fantasize about being tied up by him. I don't dream of being spanked and ordered around.. I dream of being spanked and ordered around by him. 

So the answer lover is not that I was only a dom for lack of option.. it's that I am only a sub for discovery of you.

.unleash.

There is within us all a savage beast waiting to free itself. The beast lurks in the darkness, the shadows of your self. The longer you cage the beast, the less control you will have when it gets free. You have to acknowledge the beast. You have to accept it. You should even learn to love it. It's not really a monster. Your beast is the true you, your core, the being pushed into hiding by centuries of societal rules. We're not born clothed and obedient. We're born with the true desires of any living creature on this planet: Breathe. Feed. Procreate. Society told you to hide your flesh in shame, repress your carnal urges and ignore your natural instincts. Conform.

To let your beast run wild in today's world would certainly cause devastation to many, including yourself. But. To keep it caged all the time is inviting the inevitable explosion of any great force ignored until break point. You have to get to know it so you can control it. You can enjoy it. Let your beast out to play.  It will get free eventually.

.purity.

I keep getting asked about D/S. As I'm a switch, I get requests to be dominated as well as requests to submit to me. The thing I've noticed about these requests is that none of you have a clue what it's about!

I'm never one to shy from honesty, and the truth is those who have asked to submit to me come across as nothing more than desperate and those asking to dominate me come across as nothing more than assholes with little man syndrome.

Dominating someone is about trust, not about being an abusive prick. Leave my blog if you mind my tongue.

If your interest is not based on both people's pleasure you're not cut out for this life style. To do it successfully, properly, there has to be a bond. There has to be trust. It isn't about treating someone like shit. The line between abusing someone and dominating them isn't fine, it's a fucking mile wide. The idea is to have someone submit to you willingly.You can take what you want anytime, but getting someone to give it to you willingly and eagerly, that is what it's about.

The power lies with the one submitting, not the one dominating. Every good Dom knows that. A good Sub does too. If there isn't a willing participant to dominate, what have you got?

This relationship can fill a lot of voids, but only if it's pure. I will let my Dom do anything he wants to me. Why? Because I trust him and I know his wants do not include anything that I'll be upset about. As a result, I'm even more willing to try new things and even like things I didn't before. Because I trust him.

I know how hard this is to come by, so I don't fault those who beg either one of us or offer themselves. I don't understand how you could just do that, just throw yourself at someone because of tweeted words on a screen.. but I can see the attraction for sure. It's pure, it's raw, and it's real. Honesty is always more attractive, and when you're true to yourself, you're much more appealing to those who will want you for you.. but come on here..
Down bitches, down mutts.. earn the trust and make a bond. Don't be tricky, sneaky, conniving or manipulative. It's nothing if it's not pure.

.carnal offerings.

The anticipation.. my face pressed into the pillow by the weight of my body, hands bound by rope behind my back, knees bent beneath me, spread.. ass up..I've no defense, and no shame. Blind folded and waiting to feel that first contact.. will it be your finger in my pussy? Your tongue on my clit? Will it be a pinch on my nipple, or will you slap my breast? I don't know what you'll do, the anticipation has me so excited.. you'd hear it if I could make a sound through this ball gag.. what will you do next? Will you lift me by my hair to reposition me or will you just stick your cock in my ass? In this position I willingly hand over my power to you, eagerly lying helpless, waiting to feel what ever penance or reward you will deliver. You might slap my ass so hard I'll feel it for an hour, or you might rub the right spot and make me squirt all over the bed.. pleasure or pain, they're both blissful in your control.

Photo credit: @YetUntamed

I want you to have your way with  me, because I know your way is exactly what I've been searching for my whole life. When everyone else just wanted to take..some successful at the theft but none successful at the task, you asked first and showed me how it should be. 

Nobody fucks me like you do.